


Moving On, and All that Jazz

by Acting4Hope



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, M/M, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Panic Attacks, taako is still shaken up over the whole "dying" biz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 12:32:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11691708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acting4Hope/pseuds/Acting4Hope
Summary: One would think that after dying countless times in a century-long endless run from humanity’s end; dying several more times in a time-loop-stricken town; going head-on and conquering a world-eating, life-destroying eldritch-horror-esque vore blob; and being in a relationship with fucking Death himself; that you sort of become desensitized to the whole status quo of passing on when your day is done, right?Well, that person has obviously never met Taako. Because, now that the day is saved, it’s all he can think about.





	Moving On, and All that Jazz

**Author's Note:**

> Episode 68 is still messing me up to no end, and I'm honestly not ready for this whole thing to draw to a close? But also, I'm gay and I have listening to the taakitz reunion too many times now, so I needed that good-good content. 
> 
> Here's a sort of exploratory piece about something that I honestly wouldn't pass on Taako experiencing after all this apocalypse crap (and if I'm being entirely honest, this is a fear I personally struggle with on occasion in very serious bursts of anxiety. And wellllllll I like to project so!)
> 
> Enjoy!

One would think that after dying countless times in a century-long endless run from humanity’s end; dying several more times in a time-loop-stricken town; going head-on and conquering a world-eating, life-destroying, eldritch-horror-esque vore blob; _and_ being in a relationship with fucking _Death himself_ ; that you sort of become desensitized to the whole status quo of passing on when your day is done, right?

 

Well, that person has obviously never met Taako. Because, now that the day is saved, it’s _all_ he can think about. And it’s getting to him; not noticeably, at first, but now he’s beginning to get more jumpy at the very _mention_ of their death counts, and his laughter following a death-related joke is becoming less and less genuine.

 

The peak has been after one of Taako’s most recent dates with Kravitz (the reaper had business to attend to and turned into his skeletal form before leaving, which Taako promptly reacted to by slamming his front door in Kravitz’s face before he even got the chance to say goodbye. He then locked himself in his room and pretended he _didn’t_ just have a panic attack because he remembered his boyfriend is Death and does that sort of shit on occasion.), and the reaper has been picking up on this phenomenon since then.

 

Kravitz decides he’s going to bring the topic up the next time they’re relaxing together, which doesn’t come for a shocking amount of time. Every meetup they plan gets “rain-checked” because Taako has “something to do” or “another kickass adventure to go on” (despite the fact that Taako had told Kravitz on their first outing after the whole Hunger deal that he was officially _done-zo_ with the adventuring biz). Kravitz is starting to get a little frustrated, if he’s being honest, because it’s just so damn difficult to pin Taako down to one place when he’s skittish like this.

 

So he takes matters into his own hands and decides to pop in uninvited.

 

\---

 

The familiar sound of a rift opening in his bedroom is enough to make Taako quickly tuck and roll out of bed and directly into the bathroom, closing the door and locking it just as he hears Kravitz step into the room. Taako whips his head around and casts Mage Hand to turn the shower on, and uses his actual hand to turn up the radio he keeps in his bathroom for the bathing times (because bathing time is _always_ jam time).

 

Taako hears a soft knock at the bathroom door before Kravitz calls, “Taako? Are you in there?” Taako takes two steps away from the door, whistling as loud as he can all the while, until he hears a harder knock. “Taako, it’s me.”

 

“Ohhhhh heeeeey Kravvy!” Taako drawls out, though he knows that’s not how _anyone_ would talk while in the shower. But he’s nervous, damn it, and he’s trying to keep his cool. “Sorry, babe, I’m taking a shower right now! Can you come back later? Like...next week maybe?” Gods, it sounds so awful to hear him say that, but he just _cannot_ right now. The knocks increase, and Taako watches the knob jiggle as Kravitz attempts to enter.

 

“T-Taako, please let me in, I’m worried about you.” Kravitz says, his voice heartbreakingly serious and somber. Taako feels his heart sink.

 

“N-Nothin’ to worry about, bone daddy, I j-just gotta shower!” Taako replies, his voice faltering. “Unless you really _wanna_ come in here, in which case I’m defs _down_ for-”

 

“Taako I heard you turn on the shower when I got in here, I _know_ you’re not showering. _Please_ , Taako, I love you and I want to know what’s wrong.” There he goes again, with that love crap. Making Taako feel worse for being such a dick to his boyfriend. He lets out a shaky sigh as he Mage Hands the shower and radio off, slowly opening the door to reveal himself to his reaper beau.

 

Kravitz looks...alive, much to Taako's silent relief. He’s in his "skin form", which makes it a little easier not for Taako to freak out. Though, he looks a _mess_ ; his eyes are sunken in from lack of sleep (which, as Taako has learned, Kravitz does not actually _need_ . But he _can_ tire himself out, to the point of delirium, if he works too long under stress with no short rests.) and his dreads look frizzy and mismanaged, like Kravitz hasn’t had the time or ability to maintain his locks. He’s still wearing his suit, but the jacket is not included in the ensemble today; showing off those toned arms that Taako has grown so absolutely fond of. He’s frowning, though, so that’s a major downside.

 

“W-What’s crackalackin, Sir Skellington?” Taako greets nervously, hands coming up in feeble finger-guns. Kravitz...Gods, Kravitz looks so fucking _worried_ ; it makes Taako want to shrink down as small as possible and hide under his bed. At least, under there, he can be a shitty boyfriend and still not have to deal with the consequences of it (the consequences being someone who loves him and actually _does_ give a shit about his feelings, even when he pushes them away).

 

With all the care of one picking up an injured butterfly, Kravitz reaches out and cups his hand over Taako’s right cheek. His skin is cold, as always, and Taako quickly diverts that panic-induced observation back to the sad look on Kravitz’s face. His thumb slowly drags over Taako’s cheek, rubbing small circles in the brown skin.

 

“T-Taako, I...c-can we talk about this?” Kravitz gestures with his free hand to the both of them. “B-Because I...I don’t know what I _did_ , but you were obviously not happy with it and I...Taako I _miss you_ and I just want to know how I can make this right again.” Taako’s heart is going to break in half if Kravitz continues ( _damn_ his ability to always make Taako feel emotions), so he crashes his body into Kravitz’s for a long embrace. Taako wraps his arms around Kravitz’s form, desperately ignoring just how cold and _dead_ he feels, and Kravitz slowly reciprocates it.

 

After a moment, Taako steps back.

 

“It’s probably better if we sat on my bed and talked, instead of standing awkwardly in the doorway of my bathroom…” Taako notes, his lips forming a small smirk. “Unless, of course, you _wanna_ discuss my existential crisis while on the shitter. I mean, I typically have my _best_ crises while on that thing so--so it might help you out.” Kravitz chuckles into his hand; and if Taako were in a better place in his head, he would be batting that hand away because _Gods_ if Kravitz doesn’t have the most melodious laugh.

 

“I suppose you are right on that one, but I think the bed would be more comfortable for the both of us.” Kravitz agrees, moving away from the bathroom so Taako can walk to the bed first. He does so, plopping down on his bed and immediately falling backwards. He’s staring at the illusionary stars Davenport had cast on the ceiling of his room (“A sort of memento to our century abroad,” Davenport had said as he was casting them. “Plus, I dunno about you, but the sight of stars just makes me feel…a little more at home.” Taako hadn’t disagreed on that one.) when he feels the mattress dip a little. Kravitz joins Taako in laying down, and the pair don’t say anything for a while. It’s nice, Taako has to admit, to just have Kravitz here. He was starting to get a little lonely without his chilly reaper boyfriend to fill up the space next to him on his bed.

 

“So…” Kravitz says at last, hanging onto the word a little too long to make it seem nonchalant.

 

“So…” Taako repeats because _fuck_ if _he_ knows what to say. But then, suddenly, he _does_ know what to say. And it’s scary; it’s too fucking scary for him to say aloud, but he _has_ to. Kravitz can help with this, he’s the Grim Reaper, for Pan’s sake! Taako exhales shakily and sits up.

 

“I’m afraid of dying.” It’s a simple sentence, but just the sound of it coming out of Taako’s own mouth unleashes the floodgates he’s been holding back for months.

 

“A-And I mean, not just _afraid_ of it, but I can’t even fucking _think_ about it. I--Gods, I feel my stomach _curl in on itself_ when I even _think_ about what’s next! And it’s like, fuck, Taako you--you’re dating _Death_ you shouldn’t be afraid! But I fucking am! And--And I think about my time on that fucking Starblaster and how many times I _died_ ; like did I even process the fact that--that I was _dying_ ? I don’t think I fucking cared! And--And--And it fucking _sucks_ to suddenly have done all this wack shit and beat the fucking _apocalypse_ and then suddenly be afraid of when my time is up! Like, _fuck_ , man! Lucretia’s physical age got wound forward like--like fucking _twenty years_ ! And as much as it’s still thin-fucking-ice with the two of us, I can’t picture her dying like--like _twenty years_ from now! _Fuck_ ! A-And then Magnus is gonna go, and I’m gonna be left with Wondernerd, who’s gonna be right on out the door before I can even blink! Merle is gonna take his sweet fucking time because it’s fucking _Merle_ , but--but he’s gonna _die_ too! And Davenport will probably be going right with him, that sappy, gay, old fuck! I forgot to even _mention_ Barold, who will leave Lup as devastated as I’m gonna be when Boy Genius kicks the bucket, then--then who knows how long she’ll stick around after that!? She already _died_ before, Krav, fuck! And I….I _can’t_ anymore.. _.I can’t lose anymore family_ …” His breathing is ragged and harsh, but he begins to slow down. There are tears streaming down his face that he barely registers as he sits hunched over himself.

 

“I...I can’t _die_ , Krav. None of us can, I...I _can’t_ watch it happen again. And I know this is all just fucking nonsense to you because you’re already dead. You’ve been there, done that, went back around again just for the fuck of it. But I...I never got to where you are...And I’m _afraid_ of what waits for me beyond the veil. And I guess I sorta...just _forgot_ you were dead, and when I saw you transform into your skeleton body I...I shut down. I couldn’t watch you _die_ .” Taako whispers that last sentence over and over, his body rocking as he tries to calm himself down. He suspects that Kravitz is going to say something comforting; that he’s going to hold him and rock him until he feels better. Because that’s Kravitz, that’s what he _does_ ; he’s damn good at this whole “relationship” biz and he never fails to show Taako that every waking moment they’re together.

 

What he doesn’t suspect is for Kravitz to summon his scythe, tear upon another rift, and offer him a hand.

 

“Do you want me to show you?” Kravitz asks, his arm extended out to Taako, who is still sitting on the bed in shock.

 

“Sh-Show me what?” Taako manages to get out. Kravitz’s face breaks out into a gentle, calming smile.

 

“Do you want me to show you where you go when you die?” Kravitz elaborates, causing Taako’s entire body to tense up. But, without another word, Taako ends up taking Kravitz’s hand and is led through the rift into the Astral Plane.

 

\---

 

They end up floating above the endless sea that comprises the Astral Plane, and Taako clutches Kravitz’s hand a little tighter than comfortable. He turns his head and sees the Eternal Stockade to his far left; where wayward souls and violators of the natural law are banished for all of eternity. A very small part of Taako’s mind quips that he would have been there, if not for their deal with Istus. That very small part is quickly eradicated out of sheer panic.

 

“This is the Astral Plane, Taako,” Kravitz says, making a sweeping gesture to the scene surrounding him. “This is where every living being from the Prime Material Plane is sent after their time on that plane is up. This is also where convicted necromancers and other masters of the dark arts are sent when they violate the natural law.” Taako wants to butt in how it’s where _most_ necromancers are sent; _two_ necromancers are probably sitting somewhere watching Fantasy Chopped and eating takeout, thanks to Kravitz’s testimony to the Raven Queen. But he’s not in the mood for goofs.

 

“I know from all of our encounters prior to our... _relationship_ , that you have only seen the Eternal Stockade. I understand that that probably freaked you the _hell_ out. But now, I want to show you where the vast majority of the dead returns to…” And Taako’s head is being gently tilted downwards toward the water below. As Taako watches it, he begins to notice the swirling white balls of light dancing around each other in the water. Then, Taako notices that the water isn’t actually _water_ ; but is those billions of balls of light swirling endlessly around each other. Taako is mesmerized by the movement; the peaceful tranquility it makes swell up in his chest.

 

“Now, I have to be honest and tell you that I have never _been_ in eternal rest, like these souls have.” Kravitz continues. “I was taken upon death into the immediate care of the Raven Queen, so I have never _truly_ passed on. But I know what it is like because I have watched people go there, Taako."

 

“There is no light, no sound, no _anything_ . Your mind is still there, in the most basic sense, but you have _nothing_ to dwell upon. Your life, your memories, your _fear_ ; it all leaves you once you pass...Taako, you are at _peace_ . You are eternally resting; your spirit becomes less and less distinctive until you eventually join the mass of souls in the water. _This_ , Taako, _this is the afterlife_ . It’s...It’s beautiful, and it’s peaceful, and it’s _calm_.” And now Taako’s head is being lifted upward to face Kravitz again, who is beaming.

 

“And one day, Taako, I’m going to lead you to this water; hand-in-hand. On that day, Taako, when you are finally ready to move on, I’m going to come _with you_ . And we will enter, together, this eternal rest. And it will be beautiful, and peaceful, and calm; just like it is now. But it will be a little more beautiful; and a little more peaceful; and a little calmer because I know that _you_ will be with _me_ , and _I_ will be with _you_. It’s going to be _amazing_ , Taako…” And he’s holding both of Taako’s hands now, and his forehead is pressing up against his.

 

“But until then, I am going to enjoy _living_ with you and all of your family. And you will enjoy it, too, because there is no _sense_ in dwelling on the future now. We are--Well, I should say _you_ are young, and so full of life. So _please_ go and _live it_ . This place can wait; we have right now to be living in before all of this.” And Kravitz’s lips are pressing against Taako’s forehead, and then his nose, and then his cheeks where _fuck_ has he been crying? When did that happen? Now Taako can’t take it, and he wraps his arms around Kravitz’s waist and pulls him even closer and kisses him passionately because _fuck_ if he isn’t so _right_ and _wonderful_ and _Gods_ \--

 

Taako pulls away, much too quickly for what he is usually into, and smiles at Kravitz; who is now smiling at Taako like he is the only being left on the planet and _Gods what a nerd_.

 

“Thanks, for that...whole spiel,” Taako says quietly, pecking Kravitz’s lips again. “I needed like... _all_ of that. Like that whole rant? On normal Taako, woulda gone in one ear and out the next. But today Taako? One-hundo percent needed _all_ of that, so thanks.” Kravitz is laughing, which is like music to Taako’s ears, and now Taako is laughing too. They laugh for a while, until Kravitz suddenly stops laughing and looks around sheepishly. Taako cocks his head to the side as Kravitz laughs nervously and opens another rift.

 

“Uh...my Queen just said we needed to quiet down because she could hear us from Istus’ place, so uh...I think we should go.” Kravitz explains as he offers Taako a hand once more, which Taako takes with another loud bark of laughter; followed by him shouting, “Sorry, Bird Mom!” Kravitz gasps and runs into the rift before His Lady could say anything edgewise.

 

\---

 

And now they’re back in Taako’s room; sprawled out on Taako’s bed, lazily watching Fantasy Chopped. And perhaps Taako isn’t one-hundred percent over his fear, which is to be understandable. He might have a panic attack tonight over a nightmare he gets about Lup dying, or him dying. He might still be a little stiff around the death-jokes. He might even have to shut his eyes next time Kravitz goes all undead.

 

But that’s all in the future; and for right now, Taako is perfectly happy with living in the present.

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: I DIDNT REALIZE SO MANY PEOPLE WERE GOING TO LOVE THIS THANK YOU!!! Legit some of my fav TAZ fic writers have kudos'd this and I kinda wanna cry?? 
> 
> Anyway!! If y'all wanna come scream about TAZ w me (or send me requests?? I might do some of those) hmu at my Tumblr @autistic--amethyst


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